I've failed to post in a while

So have this:

(5:09:34 PM) Merrill: I just met my soul mate.
(5:09:41 PM) Merrill: And let him walk away.
(5:09:44 PM) Kyle: really? :D
(5:09:48 PM) Kyle: what D:
(5:09:49 PM) Merrill: No, probably not.
(5:10:46 PM) Kyle: tell me more D:
(5:11:10 PM) Merrill: I wanted to hear Life Less Ordinary, so I pulled it up just as I was getting off the bus. As I got off, somebody was walking in my direction listening to music.
(5:11:35 PM) Merrill: I decided, because he appeared right as the song started, that he must be my soul mate.
(5:12:01 PM) Merrill: I'm a much faster walker than he, but he caught up to me at a stop light, and we stood there for a bit, then we both crossed and he kept on walking my direction.
(5:13:12 PM) Merrill: I was going way faster, but I kinda wanted to inspect him more, so I found causes to dawdle, including checking out a cut rusty lock.
(5:13:26 PM) Merrill: And when I was, he approached me as asked whether I was going to Plug and Play Center.
(5:13:46 PM) Merrill: So we talked a little, he said he was going to a conference there for alumni from...wherever.
(5:13:53 PM) Merrill: It's right across the street from me.
(5:14:05 PM) Merrill: And then he actually invited me there.
(5:14:13 PM) Merrill: "You could probably come check it out if you'd like."
(5:14:22 PM) Merrill: And then he crossed the street, and I entered the complex.
(5:15:04 PM) Merrill: So that's the entire story.

-------------------------------------------------

Additionally:

(6:49:30 PM) Merrill: A friend and you are out for a run in the woods. While you run, a bear notices you and begins to chase after you. You begin 20 feet behind your friend, who is running 7 miles per hour. The bear, beginning at rest, 80 feet behind you, requires 3 seconds to warm up to full speed of 12 miles per hour. Once at full speed, the bear will make a bear call, which, 2 feet ahead of you, will be within earshot of the Robot Bear, who is 140 miles off the trail perpendicularly from where it can begin to hear the bear. If the Robo Bear can jetblast at 500 mph, how fast must you run to stay alive?
(6:56:04 PM) Kyle: is the Robo Bear my friend?
(6:56:21 PM) Merrill: ...
(6:56:40 PM) Merrill: Yes. :)

A mild understanding of irony

I may now get wasted and suffer only physical and social ramifications. Legal is now only involved if I fuck shit up.

Let's go fuck shit up.

I had a really fabulous weekend thanks to a select few. The days and weeks between it and my last post are full of very interesting, noteworthy details I don't feel like taking the time to write about.

I will mention that Betrayal at House on the Hill is one of my favorite things right now, as is this song.

I kind of feel like writing a poem. Maybe I'll do that.

I also feel like burying my head in cool sands a million miles away.

I should really be asleep. Goodnight.

Lion Soup and Otter Water

School has begun!

Classes are good so far, although it's only the second day. Hopefully things remain good.

I spent my last week before school doing lots of brilliantly social things. Lots of hanging out. It's been great. Actually, I've spent a lot of my month before school doing that. Fun fact: last night was the third night in three weeks that I've spent the night in my own bed. I am a whore.

Well, no. Those nights weren't necessarily spent in other people's beds.

Some were.

Anyway, so I'm enjoying being a little socialite, and hope that I can maintain that. I've never spent a lot of time spending a lot of time with people, and I like it.

Meanwhile, I'm doing some things to try to figure out my semi-immediate future. We'll see how that goes.

Today I got some lunch and was hanging out outside the cafeteria where a taiko group from San Jose was performing. I sat right next to the stage to watch, and it was pretty neat. One of the guys on stage was actually one of the advanced folks involved with De Anza's karate, so I saw him last night and will see him again tomorrow. Their group is holding an open audition in October. Maybe a new pursuit? Maybe.

Speaking of karate, it's going again. Things are scarier now that I'm not a specifically-guided beginner, buuutttttt it's still good. I'm looking forward to this quarter.

So yeah. That's life right now. Peace Out.

Yup.

The final few days

School begins on Monday. Wooboy.

So I went with my mother down to Monterey and then up near Santa Rosa to visit with family and friends, as well as to check out a couple of schools. I ended up falling in love with Cal State Monterey Bay, and I'm applying there (applications open in like a week). Hopefully I can get in.

Twice I've been to the theater in the last week. While up north, we went to an annual production called Tapas, which is a series of new short plays by local playwrights. They were pretty good. Then, just a couple nights ago, I went to see Spring Awakening at the San Jose Rep. It's my favorite show, and they did a brilliant job with it. I was tearing up during most of the numbers, just because I was so excited to be there. Heh.

That show, and the dinner before it, was a gift to me from my great aunt and uncle for my birthday which you all missed last week. Assholes.

No, my birthday is actually two weeks from Monday. I've thrown around some ideas for what I'd like to do, but no solid plans yet. It'll turn out to be something badass, naturally.

Other than that, not a lot has been going on. I've been spending way too much time with Donald and Kyle (and Naamah and Marina). I'm cool like that. I've been trying to fix my sleep a little so I can get to class on time in a few days. I think I'll survive.

Heavy Rain is a beautiful fucking game.

Alright, then. Two more weeks.

I don't really know what all I can say. Stuff happened. I spent about five days hanging out at the apartment I discovered for the first time in the last post. That was chill.

I'm wasting my life right now.

My mother will be here tomorrow, and I'm hanging out with her for a while.

School is in two weeks.

Blargh.

Better Off Ted.

The last two weeks...

Have been great.

I'd be willing to give you just a tremendous amount of detail to satisfy your desperate need to know everything about me, and details there are, but I think I'll make those available only upon request, because otherwise it will take a long time to type and I'm lazy. Here's the summary, though:

The week with Michael was great. I wasn't entirely expecting that. It was, though. I really enjoyed his company and my time spent with him, more than I think I did when we were together. That might be a terrible thing to say, but it's true. The week was spent acting very couplish, which I didn't really want in the beginning, but I fell into it because I'm like that. An accusation (/observation) he made when we were together is that I'm always only interested in whatever's in front of me at the time. I think he's right. We've talked about it since the visit. All in all, I feel comfortable with my relationship with him, and enjoyed the visit.

The train ride home was great. I spent most of the day just watching scenery fly by, and I love it. I didn't get the chance to talk to lots of strangers. Well, I had the chance, but I was so caught up with the view, I didn't interact much. I was, during the night, assaulted by a drunk woman (not exclusively - she hit some other guy), and so we all had fun with that. Following the event, I did get to talk to people. I was also given a recommendation by a conductor after telling her that I'd be interested in doing her job (new dream, maybe?). That's cool.

I've spent the last week chilling out, doing a little business. I'm seeking out some jobs and info on transferring to SJSU, all of which are proving fruitful so far. Progress on setting up Merrillspace 2.0 is slow in going, but it is going, so...yeah.

There are two guys I met online. One, Kyle, months and months ago, one, Donald, a smaller number of months ago. I've been chatting with each of them since we met. I was talking to Donald on the train from my phone, and he offered to do dinner the next night when I got back. I said yes, we met, it was nice. Then, days later, I'm talking to Kyle and he says he's going to be playing nerdy board games with some friends, and invites me along. I accept. So he picks me up and we go to his friends' place, and I'm sitting there on the floor when the door opens up, and who should walk in but Donald. It broke my mind a little. Anyway, so that group all knows each other, and I spent the night hanging out with these four people who are pretty chill. I had a good time, and I hope to do it again (I am owed a trip to get froyo, so I'm holding them to that).

Also, Misfits, Merlin, Futurama...Netflix and Hulu own my life right now. I love those shows, though.

Railrider

Portland Union Station.

I love trains.

I love the high windows, the tall ceilings, the long benches, the clocks, the bustle, the calls for incoming and departing trains. Airports are nice, sure, but they're too sleek. All the train stations I've been in retain a sort of olden charm. They're so grand. This is probably my favorite form of transport. God-damned delightful.

So the wedding yesterday was great. My aunt and uncle's place is brilliant, and the two weddees are fun people who made sure they had a fun wedding (they met in an MMO). Here are some shots:

The bride and groom in a handfasting.

Each table's centerpiece was as such.

A LBP-themed cake.

Also worth noting is that the wedding was the first time in years and years that all six cousins from our branch of the family have been in the same place.

Joyous.

Also worth noting is there was a very good-looking guy with a camera sitting near me during the ceremony. That was nice.

Anyway, so following the festivities, I headed back to the hotel and slept until my parents left for the airport at around six in the morning. I didn't get back to sleep after that, so instead I hooked up my computer to the TV and watched Futurama on Netflix (I'm nerding out about this HDMI shit), stopping for breakfast, and then again around 10:30 so I could check out and go hang out at my aunt and uncle's again, where my grandparents were. Two and a half hours ago, my grandfather took me to the train station. I got situated and eventually boarded (while in line to board, I saw a really cute guy and left him a note telling him he's gorgeous. I dropped it on the bench beside him from behind and walked away, so I don't know what his reaction was.

Fun story: I was at the Mini-Gourmet in a group when a really good-looking guy came in and began dining alone beside us. I picked up his tab. Several weeks later I was all alone at 3:00 in the morning, and some stranger picked up my tab. I profited by about 14 bucks in that karmic transaction.

So now I'm on the train, heading towards Seattle. I'm an hour into three and a half hour trip. It's wonderful, and now I'm really looking forward to my full day's trip back to San Jose in a week.

That's all for now.

A wild Gazelle appears!

So today was my first day in Portland in years. I woke up very confused. I was having a dream involving Mr. Burns and Smithers, and a train falling through a trap door over a vine-covered wall, and me and some people crashing a wedding rehearsal, or possible a baby shower. Then there came a knocking, and I was just really confused, because I found myself a: on a very large, very comfortable surface; b: I was in total darkness; c: there was a knocking in the distance. Those things don't usually happen to me right after I wake up, especially not in conjunction. I trusted I was probably safe, though, and waited for something in my environment to explain itself to me. My mother going and telling housekeeping that we were all asleep, and I remembered.

The whole room was up and about shortly thereafter, and we headed down to breakfast, where we encountered several relatives. After hanging out for a while, my mother, father and I headed to Gazelle, which is a natural fiber clothing store my aunt (mother of the bride tomorrow) owns. My mother had the idea we should shop for our wedding clothes there, so we did. They have a limited mens' section, and even less in my size, but I found two shirts I'll be wearing together tomorrow, one of which, this corduroy button-up shirt, I might start wearing around just generally, 'cause it's pretty tight. I then spent a lot of time being my mother's shopping buddy, which turned out to be sort of fun.

Want to know a secret? I'm (as I will occasionally be) interested in reimaging, at least a little. I think I might try to take more of an interest in shopping, and appearance in general. We'll see how that goes.

After we left Gazelle, we headed over to my aunt and uncle's house, where the wedding will be held in the garden.

This shit if for serious, yo.

While there, my cousins and I devised Disaster Island Corporation, Extreme, which sounded like a fun business to own, and which one cousin then realized abbreviates to D.I.C.E., which just made it all the more awesome. I decided it should be a really classy American fare restaurant.

Then we helped do some miscellaneous setup and then stuck around for the rehearsal dinner, before finally heading back to the hotel, where I am now, hanging out with my two cousins and my aunt from California, one of whom I won't get to see again for a long time. Two of us are on computers, and two on portable gaming devices. It's really intense silent bonding.

So tomorrow the wedding will happen, and then I'll make my way north. I'm sure we'll talk soon, my dearest, loyal, very invested reader(s? Probably not plural). Goodnight.

Portlandia, abridged

So I'm in Portland. All I've seen so far are the airport and hotel. Tomorrow is my one day to do things, and then the wedding, and then I go to Seattle.

A lot of today was spent with the airlines. One thing I realized is that I'm a little hesitant to leave the terminals, where they have those signs advising you that once you pass, you can't come back through. I mean, it's not like I have any business in the airport once I'm off my flight, but still. As I walk through that little room I almost want to stop and think about it for a little while, just to make sure. Now, I don't, because TSA would probably tackle and tase me, and I'm not really into that.

I'm pretty sure I came here with something really inspiring to talk about, but I can't remember what that was. It's probably for the best, since I should sleep soon. Oh, fun fact: the TSA agent who checked my ID was named Swain. I didn't know that was a name.

Anyway, I just pulled up Origin on Netflix, so I'll lie back in the dark with that. Shout out to Sean, who I'm awfully fond of. Goodnight.

Eight years, baby, you and me.

So today is the eighth year anniversary of my being diagnosed with diabetes. Woo-boy. You'd think it's about time for me to stop eating like I'm a 10-year-old who'll live forever, but nope.


Maybe I am a 10-year-old who will live forever.


I still have another four years before I've been diabetic half my life, so I'll just pin the health habits on still being used to non-diabetes-ness, which still makes up the majority of my years.

Tomorrow I go to Portland, Oregon, for the wedding of my third-oldest cousin (number four of us all, but I'm the runt). I was there the week before I was diagnosed, as it happens. I wouldn't stop drinking or going to the bathroom. I even got to go on a very special private tour of a USFWS animal forensics lab, but the whole time I just complained that I was thirsty. Heh.

I've been to Portland just once since then, in 2007. It was in that same visit west that I first saw Cogswell. My mother and I then drove up the coast and took part in a family reunion.

So fun story: a few summers ago I was with my sister in her car while she was listening to old voicemails. Our service will save them for so many days, but then erase them if you don't save them again, so she gives them a listen-through regularly. One message comes on, beginning with something like, "it's the happiest message ever!" It was a young man wishing Laurel well and wishing she was wherever he was. Then other people came on and started expressing similar sentiments. I felt a tinge of envy. Envy at my sister for having friends who cared about her like that, and envy at the people giving the message for making such a fun call. I felt socially inadequate. By maybe the third or fourth person on the call, though, it struck me: these were my cousins speaking. It was from that '07 reunion, which Laurel didn't make it to. It had been me who said it was the happiest message ever. It had been my idea.

Alright then. Maybe I'm more fun than I thought. I should try to tap into that more.

Anyway, so I now have less than a day to pack, but the laundry's done, so it should be fine. I was thinking of taking another walk to town and going to Subway, but at this point I probably won't. I'll probably spend today playing Oblivion, and then finally packing at aroudn 9:00 tomorrow. What fun.

Fun fact: I almost didn't want to make ths post, because up until I hit the publish button, the archive sidebar on the blog, beginning in May, will list the months' total entries as 1, 2, 3 and 4. I'm about to go and fuck it up, though. Tsk.

Live from the bottom eastern corner of a dark house by the woods...

I leave on Friday - the shuttle shows up at 12:30. Between now and then I'll have to take care of some packing, which pretty much just means doing some laundry and throwing it all in a bag.

I've been saturating myself with junk food and video game (not plural) and TV and old movies, and as of last night, the amazing outdoors I grew up with and have recently ignored. Last night I took my pillow and comforter out on the deck and slept there naked. It was pretty fucking fantastic. I awoke to see the dawn, which was gorgeous, since we have an eastern view, and then fell asleep again for a large part of the day.

I won't even try to sort through the personal realizations I've had reecntly, because the most significant one is that it's pretty much always the same. I go through the same cycles all the time, and arrive at similar conclusions that don't really modify my world view enough to make it worth mentioning, and even beyond that, these realizations are nothing that every other human hasn't/won't go(ne) through, so...I'll keep my relevations to myself and save everybody the trouble of dealing with redundant dramatic drivel.

Incidently, that leaves me with nothing else to report. Buh-bye.

So this totally just happened

I'll let it speak for itself.

[censored for privacy]

[Guy] is mobile 1:11 am
Online: 8d 23h 47m
[Merrill] 1:12 am Hello.
[Guy] is mobile 1:13 am
[Guy] 1:13 am Hi. Who is this?
[Merrill] 1:14 am Strange and possibly awkward story. We met once, online, somewhere, and you've been on a (old) buddy list of mine for years.
[Guy] 1:15 am Oh yeah? What is your name?
[Merrill] 1:15 am We never really talked. I saw you online, and thought I'd say hi, in case you'd care to chat.
[Guy] 1:16 am What is your name? How did we meet?
[Merrill] 1:16 am I'm Merrill. I feel as though you may have messaged me on MySpace about two years ago, if that makes any sense.
[Guy] 1:17 am Hmm, I don't think so. I haven't been on myspace in like 5 years...
[Merrill] 1:17 am Heh, you and the world. Well then, perhaps it was elsewhere. I believe you had recently moved to Hagerstown, or something. Or I could be mixing up details all over the place. Sorry if that's the case.
[Guy] 1:19 am Hmm, I still don't think I know who you are...
[Merrill] 1:19 am That doesn't surprise me. We didn't really talk. It was like, "hey there, we should talk sometime," but then that didn't happen So feel free to send me off, I won't be offended. I thought thought saying hello could be interesting.
[Guy] 1:21 am Yeah, I still have no idea who you are... Sorry!
[Merrill] 1:22 am Really: this is basically me saying, "hi, we met on the street once and I've had your number for ages but never called."
[Guy] 1:22 am Hahaha
[Merrill] 1:23 am So I'm really not worried about you remembering me. Honestly, I don't even remember your name. I know you are (were?) a DJ. And were sort of sweet, and I listened to you online once...once. That's about all.
[Guy] 1:24 am Hahaha! Uhm, nope! You must have me confused with someone else.
[Merrill] 1:24 am That's very baffling, especially since the screen name I'm IMing is totally suggestive of Deejaying. This is weird. Well, alright then. Have a nice life.
[Guy] 1:26 am What does it say my IM is?
[Merrill] 1:26 am dj[something] But you're mobile. Perhaps the screen name is still associated with a number that's changed hands.
[Guy] 1:26 am Whoa. That's not even my screen name. I'm super confused! Yeah
[Merrill] 1:27 am Well now you know.
[Guy] 1:27 am Yeah, I don't know why it says that

Stardust

I'm at home alone for about two weeks. The house has been empty of its other residents since last Saturday, but yesterday was effectively my first day alone. Last night, after a few very minor misfortunes that may or may not have contributed to my mood, I was upset or empty or something, and I just wanted ample distraction, which I couldn't find for a long while. Although I knew I wouldn't be able to read it immediately, I wanted to distract myself with The Perks of Being a Wallflower, a book which has been recommended to me by three different people throughout the years. In my desparation to read it, I ordered it rush from Amazon.

This morning I got up feeling a bit better, and lounged around a bit. Eventually I got an email telling me that the last class I had registered for (which I had been put on a waitlist for) had opened a spot, and I had to register and pay. Registration worked, but dial-up isn't exactly payment friendly, so I had to try two computers and my patience getting the payment completed. At around 1:00 I was nearing the end of this process when I heard a car. I went out to see a UPS guy driving off, and looking around I found a package with Wallflower inside. I took it in and finished up the payment (all registered for now, woo) before opening the book and going to it.

The format of the book is that the main character and narrator is writing letters (anonymously, supposedly with changed names within his story) to somebody he hasn't actually met, but whom he considers by reputation to be a capable and willing listener. It is through these letters that the story is told. The format reminded me a great deal of somebody I once knew, and it occurred to me that the person it reminded me of was the first person who recommended the book to me. It them occurred to me why. In eleventh grade, this young lady was a casual acquaintence among my MySpace friends (like nearly all of my MySpace friends). She's somebody I had known since elementary school, but we didn't really know one another. In any case, one night she posted a bulliten explaining that she was distressed, and she put down some contact information, asking for somebody to talk to. I sent her an anonymous email, and we began talking, me as some unknown friend. It was on account of this relationship that she described Wallflower to me, saying it was one of her favorite books, if not her very favorite. This relationship continued, and I decided and told her that I would reveal myself to her on her birthday in about a week. Unfortunately, unthinkingly I ended an email with my actual name instead of my alias one night, and I was revealed a week early, but it didn't reduce her appreciation of things at all. I don't think we were anything more than casual acquaintances after that, except that maybe there was a little more warmth in our rare casual interactions.

The second recommendation came somewhat recently from Sean, who I believe said the narrator reminded him of me. About a week ago, then, I saw somebody on OKCupid, whose alias attracted me. Sean, seeing the profile, mentioned that the alias was part of a significant line from Wallflower ("And in that moment, I swear, we were infinite"), and when I mentioned this to the guy, he said it was a reference, and he then also recommended the book.

Anyway, so I got it today and began reading it nearly immediately, beginning in the living room. After a time I went to the bathroom, and ended up in my room until the phone rang. I went up to answer it - it was a call for my mother, who is away, of course. I called her and left a message, but then moments later another call came for her, so I called her again with another message. She called back almost immediately, asking what was up, and I relayed the messages again to her directly. She then made as though to talk to me, which I didn't love. Now, it's not to say that I don't love my mother or her company, because I do. However, I also highly value personal time, especially on a day like today, so when she said she'd call in a bit when she was free, I made a noncommital noise resembling "maybe" when she asked whether I'd be home or not. She said she'd call my cell then, which I happened to have left down in my room. I sat down in the living room again rather than going to get it, and I read until I finished the book. It was five hours from start to finish (and when I went down to check my phone, it turns out she hadn't called anyway). I can't say how much the booked moved me or what it meant to me or whether it was hugely moving, but I enjoyed it and am glad I read it. I'm sure a solid appreciation will surface sometime later.

About an hour later, after getting some food in me, I decided to walk to McDonald's to get some Reese's McFlurries. It was about an hour into town, and about an hour back, the hour back portion being largely in dusk. It was relaxing and peaceful and good exercise, and a good time to think about nothing in particular. In ways it was a lot like two years ago in California, when I was caught up with Lawrence, my then-romantic interest. I lived an hour to an hour and twenty minutes from Cogswell by foot. Lawrence lived a half-hour from Cogswell by foot, between the school and me. He would often stay at the school late into the night, and so I would often stay with him until well past the final bus for the night had passed. Similarly, I might sit at the bus stop and let busses pass, hoping I'd see him on his way home. On very lucky nights I'd get to go spend some time with him at his appartment. In any case, I would often walk long hours home in the night. Alternatively, while not sleeping on account of thinking about him, I'd make forty minute trips to Denny's, or hour trips to In-N-Out in the late night. The significant difference between then and tonight was that there are trees here instead of buildings, it's much more humid, and the valley is all flat, whereas the road into town is winding, with lots of ups and downs. Tonight was as devoid of stars as the city, though, there because of light pollution and here because of an overcast sky. At least my walk home featured lots of fireflies.

So now I'm home, and maybe I'll go to bed soon if I can't find something to do. I did manage to distract myself a lot today, which was nice. The next concrete things I have to look forward to is a visit with Sean on Saturday. I'll have to discover something to do with myself between now and then. In the meantime, enjoy your life.

(Fun fact: I'm wearing jeans which, in faded ink, read "MNDSSR" over the right knee. I wrote that there in eleventh grade, on one of the last days of my first psych class. It stands for "MVSICA NON DVRAT SED SEMPER REDIT," which, by my then-poor and now-hideous Latin skills, was an original phrase supposed to translate as "the music doesn't last, but it always returns." That might be pretty inspiring, but the real take-away is that I still fit in and wear jeans I wore in eleventh grade. Similarly, I still fit in and sometimes wear a shirt I've had since eighth grade at the latest. Good times.)

HOPE

HOPE IS JUST LIKE THE COOLEST FUCKING AWESOMEPANTS EVERRRRRRRRRR

Well fuck it. Also camping and other things.

I'm feeling mopey right now. It's pretty dumb, but it's what I do. I'll get over it, I'm sure.

So I spent the last two days camping with those people I mentioned in the last post. I'm very fond of all of them, so it was a good time. The park we were staying in was having some themed weekend, so we ended up watching The Lion King in the visitors center one night. It was pretty boss. I got burned. That's not really a huge surprise. I've never been able to manage the whole sun-and-sunscreen thing very well, either erring on the side of too much protection or too little.

I spend a lot of time thinking about a lot of things, largely regarding truth and conduct and compensation and understanding and perseverance and acceptance and effort and people and love and pretty much everything else. If you've ever found me difficult to have a simple conversation with (ie spoken to me in the past fifteen years or so), it's because there's a fairly constrant stream of background noise going on in my head. Today it contributed to my being mopey. Tomorrow maybe it will pull me right out of it, or maybe not at all. We'll see.


Lastly: Dinosaur Office might just be my new favorite thing. Check that shit out.

"Love," in (very slightly) more detail

So I realize that last post couldn't have made much sense.

It was posted from a handheld gaming device from a grocery store of wonder. The lack of body text was due to a lack of time and also limited functionality of the device's Internet browsing. I settled for a nice-sounding title and left it for later (now, except I think that's all the expounding I'll actually do).

So I'm in Maryland for a little longer. Two weeks. In that time, I'll have the house to myself (after Friday), and will probably only interact with other humans if those humans are Tegan, Hope, Allison and/or Sean, all of whose company I enjoy, and all of whom I've been spending a bunch of time with lately.

Sean is a...interesting subject in my life. There are a lot of details to it I won't go into. In any case, I'm fond of him.

Tonight I'm going to Balitmore to help my cousin move and to celebrate her birthday. It'll be swell, I'm sure.

Lately I've been playing PC Oblivion on the TV through an HDMI connection. That essentially only means I've been playing the console version, but I still feel special, so shut up.

That's all.

Love

Not that I've ever been good at doing things on time (or at all?)

I have an 8-page paper due Friday afternoon. I also have to pack by then, and clean up the apartment a little. The last two I feel okay about, but the paper...I was finally hit with a groove I can work with tonight. I'll pursue it tomorrow. I would have done a lot of work today, but I was asleep for most of the daylight, and distracted for all of the night. Whoops.

I'm going to bed now. I don't know that I'll manage to go into detail about any of those things I mentioned. I will mention that I got my new phone, but have yet to activate it, and last night I had a very satisfying au revoir visit with Andy. There was a trippy sushi place involved. It was neat.

So that's something, I guess. I'm doing pretty good lately. Star is in two days. I just have to write this paper.

See you.

Oh, right. The blog.

So I really liked doing that daily posting, but I stopped because I knew that all I was really going to talk about was Andy, and it was all going to be a bunch of whining drivel that would make him uncomfortable to hear, and so made me uncomfortable to post. It was just a lot of stupid things I would ramble about.

Now I'm much better regarding Andy, so I'm comfortable posting here again. Maybe I'll list details? Probably not. It's finals week, by the way. Karate skills final in two hours, and then I have to write an 8-page paper to turn in by Friday, and then I go to Star Island. Maybe I've mentioned it. I have plenty to do this week, so I probably won't do any real posting, and I won't be available next week. We'll see what happens.

I'll list some things of note so I can touch on them later, plus a brief summary:

-phone: mine died, in sort of a curious time. I get a new one on Wednesday

-Isaac: Look up Sternberg's triangular theory of love, and look into an intimacy-only relationship

-Andy: The whinny fanboy Merrill is no more. I like Andy a lot, but we won't be anything. He's a friend.

-sex: I've been really into it lately.

-paradigms: I've been trying to be a more reasonable person. Andy related. I sort of used him as a catalyst for it. It's going alright.

-other various boys: There are two on this list. There are two other ones in my life I have some romantic touch with. I'll see both of them in the next few months. We'll see what happens.

So that's that. I'll catch you later.

I'm going on hiatus, I think.

It was fun. Maybe I'll be back.

DIDN'T POST BECAUSE I'M LAZY

But lots of things happened that were interesting. Quick detailless recap of the day:

-good date

-dude on the bus

-good classes

-other stuff?

-goodnight

Whee.

Yesterday's missing post

...was not on account of visiting Andy. I just wasn't in the mood to post. Then I forgot.

So I definitely had things to talk about yesterday, but at this point I've forgotten pretty much all of them. I remember not liking that we had a particular guest in our apartment. That's about it.

Oh, right. Karate. We've learned our first kata: Taikyoku Shodan. A kata is essentially a practice form that puts you through a series of moves. Taikyoku Shodan is basically kata form 1A. It's just basic punches a bunch of down blocks. Still, though, I'm pretty psyched to have learned it.

I took karate as a child, just for a little while, and the only thing I remember learning was some set of moves that didn't seem to mean anything. Looking back, now, I think that must have been this. I can definitely appreciate it a lot more now.

Something else exciting regarding karate: today, after showering, I noticed I'm slowly beginning to develop abs. Hot.

Anyway, so today not a whole lot happened, yet. Standard day of classes. I did see Girl on the bus for the first time in ages. She was talking to somebody she knew, a cute guy in a fedora. She has her hair dyed purple now. We didn't really interact, other than an exchanged smile when I boarded. Apparently I was really repulsive, because nobody sat next to me the entire ride, except one person, who then moved. There was even a very good-looking guy (sorta looked like Andy, actually) who, based on his dress, I'm stereotyping was gay. I was sad he passed me by. Oh well. When we got to school, he then complimented Girl on her hair, and asked her where she got the dye, because he needed some purple dye, he said. Cute guy. :p

Speaking of cute guys, I have a date tonight with my current favorite of them. I actually just got a text that Andy's on his way. We have reservations in an hour at Benihana, a Japanese cook-at-the-table restaurant(that style may or may not be called "hibachi." I've had some confusion as to what that term specifically refers to). I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to seeing him. It was only Monday I saw him last, but hey.

I'm actually back to being worried concerning him. That's just insecurities, I suppose. If I'm not about to beef up and overcome them, then all I can do is sit through them and try to act as reasonably as possible. We'll see what happens (I'm sure I've said that fifty times here by now).

Anyway, I'll wrap this up and...I don't know. Rehydrate or work on that poem or something. Later.

I'm not great at this whole consistency thing.

...basically now I'm in a bad mood again.

It's pretty stupid.

Also I don't really feel like blogging right now.

Nothing super exciting happened today, though, so just pretend I told you about a normal day.

I should go do homework.

God-damned delightful

In fact, I cannot wait to see Andy, apparently. We haven't gone more than five days without seeing each other since we first met in person. I'm totally okay with that, too.

So last night after getting back from Easter, I was sorta doing homework and mostly talking to Andy. After a time, he told me his friend Adam had shown up, so I dismissed him. However, the conversation turned out to continue going on, and somewhere in there Adam said he'd like to meet me sometime. It didn't take long before I was out at the bus stop, waiting to make my way north.

While waiting there, I called Andy to make sure that I hadn't missed a vital bus passing. I don't know whether I had or not, because the only response I got after a moment was, "we're coming to get you." So I returned home and waiting. Some time later I got a call that the two were there, so I made my way outside and met them. We decided to go to the Mini-Gourmet before heading north, and we chatted for a while and Adam (who is Andy's best friend, it turns out) interrogated me about myself. Apparently he was pleased that I was cute (which was apparently a change from past guys Andy's seen. That's nice, I guess?). After a time we did head north, where we then hung out further. After however long, Adam left.

Now, I had every intention to make it to school today, which just meant that I had to be back in San Jose by 11:30. That's totally doable. Andy and I, before too long, went to bed.

I'm not going to go into tremendous detail about everything that happened in that bed (there was no sex that night, if that's what you were wondering), but trust that it was very close, and very sweet, and I was just continually reminded of how special I think he is. I was stunned several times throughout the night (and following morning) when I was being held so comfortably, having great interactions with somebody I really enjoy the company of, and I turn around to look him in the eye and see that, yeah, by the way: he's utterly gorgeous, too. Really, not a bad way to spend a night.

The next morning I was well aware that school was not vital to me. Now, I don't want it to seem like I don't value my education, but I had two morning classes, and I knew what we were doing in both of them and I have both of them five times a week, and they're only an hour each. I felt like missing a session of each was acceptable, considering the great non-academic benefit I was getting from staying. In a lot of ways, I think that's more immediately important. Anyway, I won't make a habit of it.

So we hung around in bed a lot, and spent a lot of time kissing and cuddling and being generally (and specifically) intimate. It was all lovely. It was all wonderful. I was so fucking happy the whole time.

Eventually we got up to do things. Arlia (his dog) needed more food, so we went to the store to get some, Arlia in tow. The fun part was that we took his motorcycle. I had never been on one before, and I love it (granted, it was a little different experience with the sidecar attached, but the sidecar had a dog in it, so it just became a slightly different sort of awesome). I was also fond of having my arms around him the whole time. On the way back from the pet store, we stopped in GameStop, where I convinced myself to buy and actualy 3DS game: The Sims 3, which is the only launch title that even a little bit appealed to me. I've played it some. I was expecting a plot-driven game, as some former handheld Sims games were, but it isn't that way. It's more like a simplified version of The Sims. I'm not in love with it, thus, but whatever. I might enjoy it.

It wasn't too long after that that it was time for me to return to San Jose in order to get to karate (which is only twice a week and always features new material), and for him to make his way to Boulder Creek in order to take care of some of the business. He hung out for a few minutes when he dropped me off, and then we both departed to our destinations. We will see each other again on Thursday.

I am so fucking happy with this guy. I love spending time with him, and at this point I know he enjoys spending time with me. Things are going so well, and I'm just very hopeful that they continue this way. It'd be something of an honor to be able to call him my boyfriend. I know that we have something good going for us right now, though, so I'm really not in a hurry, I guess. I'm just happy to have what I have now with him. I look forward to see what happens next.

Happy Easter!

Okay, so Easter was yesterday, but it seems to be a theme that when I do something with Andy, a blog falls away. I thought my day was worth mentioning on its own, though, and independently of today, so I'll go ahead and do two separate posts.

I had plans to go brunch with my grandparents, along with Bri and Susan. I was picked up around 10:30ish. As per plans made the night before, I told Andy I would let him know what Easter-day plans were, as I had told him he could join in. Brunch was nice (fruit, bacon, eggs, doughnuts and a mountain of jelly beans), and lasted until 1:30-2:00ish. At that point I called Andy a few times, to let him know that we planned to hike. However, when I did finally get a hold of him, Easter plans had been devised by his family, so he went on his way to address those. The rest of us went up the hill (there's a hill called "the hill." I don't know which hill it is) and began hiking.

The hike was fantastic. It began on these sloping hills where everything was very foggy. As we continued on our way, we elected to visit on of the trails that would take us through an oak grove. We ended up sort of lost, though, and we ended up on a totally different path, walking way on top of a hill. It was mostly foggy, but where it was broken, there was an awesome view of everything around. Eventually we did find the oak grove, and it was quiet and mystical and covered in moss and generally awesome. Finally we returned on our way, and it decided then to be sunny, so all the hills were painted all these lovely greens. I swear, the entire time I felt like I was in any of several Miyazaki films.

After the hike, we dropped by Los Gatos to get dinner at this nice place. I got chicken alfredo penne. It was delicious. I began chatting with Andy before dinner began, catching up on how our days had gone. It would have been nice to have seen him, but really: we have a date on Thursday. I can wait a little while, right?

Wrong.

RIP Tumor Rat

Didn't do a lot today, really. Sat around. Ate some. Sat around some more. Drove myself crazy. Drove myself joyous. Got driven to get doughnuts (which weren't very good), and played keyboard a bunch.

The only thing worth denoting as different today was the death of Ellie, popularly known as "tumor rat," because of the six rats that Courtney (my roommate) owns, she was the only one with a tumor that doubled her body size. It was grotesque and saddening, and today she passed away.

Courtney was having a lot of issue figuring out where to bury her. She didn't want to just trash the body, of course, but since we moved to the top floor of this duplex, the tiny amount of non-concrete on this property is not ours. All of Courtney's past rats (in total she's owned eleven, I believe) are buried at her home in LA, but that wasn't exactly an option. Also, doing it in, say, a park or something would be sorta fishy.

Now, in the interest of not being caught, I will not disclose where the body does now lie. However, rest assured that we found an inconspicuous-ish spot on some property somewhere in the valley where Ellie and her accessory are being slowly work on by ants we found in the hole we dug. Well, Will dug the hole. Courtney, Sam and I just watched and laughed at the absurdity of where we did end up going. It was a good time. Heh.

So that was that, and most of my day. Tomorrow I'm doing brunch with Bob and Bobbie and Susan and Bri and maybe some others? And then I'm probably going somewhere to do something with Susan and Bri and maybe others. I'm going to find out what exactly is going on, and then tell Andy about it, and if he's interested, I'll see if he can come along (I'm sure he'll be able to), so that's really exciting becauuuuuse....because I'm really into him, and miss him already. Two days, yeah. Whatever. I just like seeing him.

Alright, I'm out.

It's Friday, Friday, Friday.

Okay, so certainly the most interesting thing that happened to me in the last 24 hours was last night. Andy texted me, and was down about some stuff. We texted back and forth for a while, but eventually he stopped responding. I figured I had said something wrong or he was distracted or had moved on to other things.

About a half hour later, though, I reach into the fridge and grab two eggs for an omelette when there's a knocking on the door. I'm the only one home, so I know it isn't company. I figure it's one of the neighbors wanting something. Nope. It was Andy. I was stunned. He was only stopping by for a moment before meeting London before the two went out as per a plan they had, but I invited him in all the same. He said just the sweetest thing to me. We spent time just on the couch sorta nuzzling, and it wasn't long before he left. It was still amazing, though.

Wow.

Anyway, so that put me in a pretty good place for most of today until this afternoon, where I (apparently arbitrarily) decided to be in a bad mood. I guess that happens sometimes. I invited Andy to dinner, but details were fuzzy and then he had other plans, so that didn't happen. He then invited me to a concert, but it's 21+ only, so I couldn't go. Instead I have spent hours doing nothing right here.

I'm thinking of going to the diner just because I like food and perhaps it will put me in a better mood than I'm in now. I'll probably just sleep though. Goodnight.

How nice.

It's not like Anybody(Jessica) who reads this doesn't already know the story. But y'know...posterity might like it. Here we go:

Tuesday night, I was talking to Andy. He was bored, so I asked what, if anything in the world, he would do to kill the boredom. His answer was going to Hong Kong. He then asked me what I would do right then, if anything. I had to think about it a bit, because I didn't really feel like doing lot. I think I was tempted to say something to the effect of, "I want to see you," but I am simply not that bold. Anyway, so what came to mind is that I'd like to go out to eat. Maybe ethnic food.

Mmkay, so here's where things go from content to awesome. Apparently he was craving Indian food, and was wondering to himself whether I'd go and have some with him. I did just that. Basically we hung out and talked a lot, and at some point we decided I wouldn't go home that night (though, to be frank, I had sort of decided that on the way there). So more hanging out and talking. We went for a walk (I can't help but feel like he would have enjoyed a run more. Oh well), and talked some more, and it ended up with a nice long hug. It was the most significant physical interaction we've ever had. It was nice.

Anyway, so more hanging out and talking, until it was time for bed. He welcomed me to share his. I was only too happy to accept (somewhere in there he basically climbed on top of me and called me pretty, both of which made me wicked happy). We spent the night cuddling (and eventually sleeping), and it was wonderful. I had literally spent the past several nights imagining how nice it would be to do just that. I'm still a little stunned (with the visit in its entirety).

So the next morning we were in bed a long time. I had some business that needed taking care of, but every effort to get up was met by an effort by Andy to keep me in bed. He won with little resistance for a long time before I finally did get up (even then, though, I was just as "up" as sitting on the bed, rather than lying on it). Somewhere in there we began kissing, and that ended up happening until we left each others' company.

I elected to skip my two morning classes (nothing vital, anyway), and to hang out with him until I had to get moving for karate and he had to go take care of some stuff himself. We ended up going out to breakfast at this absolutely minuscule breakfast joint that was lots of fun. We went back to his place until it was time to leave, and there was just a lot more hanging out and talking (and now kissing) and it was...I dunno. It was just fantastic. Everything was fantastic.

He drove me home. During the trip, we discussed some heavier things, and I left it feeling a little down, for various reasons. However, after going to karate, I was left with nothing but encouraged hope, which has stuck with me until even now. I had a great day today, and was actually a bit productive. I'm going to go do more of that now.

So where am I regarding Andy? I most definitely like him a whole hell of a lot. Plus, I am no longer worried that he doesn't like me. I'm still a bit scared, because I am just not a confident person, but that fear is no longer whether I've fucked everything up by doing what I've been doing. I'm more worried now about what might happen, if anything. I hope something does. In any case, I'll take things as they come, act naturally, and be honest with him, and whatever the result of that is, I'm pretty confident it will be the best outcome for us.

Heh. I still can't really believe it. At one point I asked him whether he was sure he's real. He did not reply affirmatively. I just said I hoped he was, because that'd be really nice. This is incredible.

Fun Fact: As we were circling the Indian place looking for a parking spot, we saw two guys facing each other standing by a car. One of them had a rifle. Um.... o.O

Missed yesterday as well...

Tsk. I should be more dedicated.

Oooor maybe something unexpected came up.

Maybe I could only be better in ways that are really not important to me right now.

...Yeah, that's the one. Maybe I'll explain more later.

I'm tiiiiired

Of life.

Which is stupid, because I'm only 20.

I'm also tired of being awake, which is more reasonable because I haven't slept enough recently.

Anyway, so I'm going to karate soon, but I figured I'd stick up a post just so it's not on my list later. Yesterday, after my post, I went to weekly dinner and had a nice-ish time. We dyed Easter eggs. I made a rainbow egg utilizing color theory. I felt cool. I was stuck thinking about Andy. See, I'm kind of a wildly insecure person, and so despite several good things that happened between us yesterday (indicators of enjoying each others' company), I'm convinced he's bored of me and doesn't want to talk to me again. I've had some unfortunate reinforcement in the last few years, I guess. So that was on my mind today as well, and will continue to be, I figure. I dunno. He's just really great. I'd love a chance to spend more time with him.

So tonight I should write a paragraph I didn't write last night on account of my thoughts. I should also do some other things, like study for a test in Spanish. I also want to write that poem. I'd really like to get it in The Canvas this Thursday. I'm sure that won't happen. Anyway, that's my life right now. Not doing work and thinking about a boy. Thrilling.

So no post yesterday

That's because I went to a zombie party at London's. I went because I want to try this whole socialization thing out. Also, I'd like to get to know London some. I went more because Andy was going. I spent the night there. I spent a bunch of today with Andy. I'm going to weekly dinner soon. I probably won't post a lot of details, because I'm already explaining this all to Jessica, my only reader.

I do hope I'm not a total royal fuckup.

Since I'm doing absolutely nothing else anyway....

...I might as well post.

So I woke up very late this morning. My Spanish class was not being held, and my English class was. Fortunately, the English class is the later one, and I woke up just as soon as I had to leave. I was wicked tired all the way there, all the way through class (where only like eight of us showed up - it was an optional day that most teachers took off, but not outs), and all the way home. Then I finally rehydrated and ate something, and felt much better.

Then I just did nothing for a long time. I have to do laundry before tomorrow night, and should get a good bit of homework done. Good thing I had seven hours to do that just now.

I did go to Safeway and get some lunch meat and lots of cash back. Also four Cadburry eggs, which I ate on the way home. Each one was less delicious than the last (except the third), and I did not really enjoy eating them. I do not regret the purchase. Also, on the way there, I saw some dude sleeping in the bushes. I'm assuming he was asleep and not dead because when I passed on the way back, he was gone (although there was then a backpack there). This was outside of "Party Time Adult Books," an establishment I've never been to, but I happen to know they have glory holes. That's exciting, I guess. Never actually encountered one of those.

So I came back home and did a lot more nothing, and a little talking to people. Now I should probably start on some work, maybe? That'd be good.

I have been playing keyboard through the day. Earlier I played one favorite excerpt from a song over and over again with different voices (doing it with lasers was especially grating, xD) in the dark. That was fun.

At some point I let Sophie (the overwhelmingly preferred of the six rats in this apartment) roam around for a little bit. She's darling.

Also, today (like most days) I heard a shouting match from the recentish downstairs neighbors. Fun.

I'm excited about tomorrow. About Andy. Oh boy.

(I feel like at some point I might stop making this a diary and start making it a place to talk about my thoughts about various things. Maybe not. Probably both, eventually. We'll see.)

Fun Fact: I had five views yesterday. All of them were from Australia. HMM. I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BE. <3

Oh, whoops.

Almost forgot to post.

So was on the bus this morning, sitting in the first row of regular seats, with Girl sitting on the parallel seats as close to me as she could be. We were both doing homework. As she put her book away, I saw "Salve!" written on the back cover. Now, I'm pretty sure they don't have Latin at my school, but that is a Latin word, so I asked whether it was a Latin textbook. She said no, and that it was Italian, and that she had spent some time in Italy recently, and we began talking a little about languages and travel, but that was about it. We still didn't introduce ourselves. Whatever. The entire ride, beginning well before we began talking, there was a guy next to her, one seat away, who was creeping on her the whole time. An older dude like shooting a constant sideways look at her. It was sketchy.

Anyway, went to Spanish, where I had done none of the homework. We spent the entire class going over it, so I just worked a little in advance, making sure to finish the ones he called on me for (he just goes around the room, one by one. I got all the ones I answered correct). I also listened to Ben talk to some other girl, this one from China. Look at Ben, big man on campus.

Then to English, where I didn't do anything much. Only now do I recall why: I was in a miserable mood. I was in a miserable mood since last night. I went to bed and couldn't sleep for an hour, and then stayed up for a time and then still couldn't sleep. I trudged around all day being terribly unhappy. I won't go into why. Shit happened last night.

Anyway, I came home and did nothing for a long time, while chatting to various people. At one point Andy texted me, and we shot a few messages back and forth, and apparently I'll be seeing him on Saturday during a party London's throwing. Can't say I'm not excited - to see him, that is. Can't say I'm not scared shitless, either. Not about seeing him, but about him in general. He terrifies me. I don't know much about him, but I'm pretty sure I like him, at least from what I do know. Anything past that and I just have no idea what I'm doing, and I'm pretty consistently sure that I'm fucking up any chance to even talk to him. Hey, though: we're still talking so far. I'll just take it as far as I can and see what happens. Maybe nice things? We'll see.

I bought thirty thousand cubic tons of food (mostly fruit) at the 99c store for 15 bucks. That was fun. I love that place. I should shop there more often. I then returned home and did a whole lot more nothing. Now it's bedtime. Somewhere in there (prior to talking to Andy, believe it or no) I got in a much better mood. I also watched a few episodes of season one of Yu-Gi-Oh!, which I've been doing. It's fun. It's not a good show, but it's fun.

Oh, I also talked to Sean. Mostly about him flying out to Stanford. Mostly about him flying for the first time. That will be at the end of the month. He's excited. About everything. I am feeling very comfortable with our relationship, also, after the talk. Nothing to worry about from it.

Aaalso......oh. Well Courtney hasn't slept in her own bed in forever. I've seen her like a total three hours in the last week. As soon as she left tonight, we all went to party in her room. We even made a Facebook event about it. As soon as the allotted time struck, though, Jessica fell asleep. She is now sleeping in Courtney's bed. Heh.

I think there was something else, but I can't remember it. Oh, well I talked to Lawrence a little, but that's not such a big deal any longer. He's...about the same as he has been.

I guess that's it for tonight.

-Out-

Fun Fact: I was born without canines. They had to file other teeth down to fill the role. My sister had the same condition.

Fun Fact II: I told that to some people recently, and somebody replied, "you were born without any dogs?!" I was amused.

A day with some stuff in it rolls around...

...and I just don't feel like posting.

Whatever. I'll do it.

So first item is that when I got on the bus this morning, Girl was there again. There was only standing room, so...well, I stood. I caught eyes with her and smiled and nodded in greeting, perhaps Bieberesquely (forgive me). Then this woman got on and was preaching to the whole bus about positive energy about how we all should be smiling and letting it all out because that's the way to do it, something something. Depending on my mood, I'd either have scoffed at her or smiled with her. Today I was smiling. She was behind me until she got off the bus, but when she did, she caught sight of my reaction, and I gave her a wink and she praised me for the rare show of human interaction the way she felt it should be. Then she departed and Girl and I shared a smile. I should probably not flirt with Girl, just for too many reasons.

In Spanish, everything went dashingly. I hadn't really missed anything yesterday I couldn't teach myself on the bus. At the end of class, I heard a conversation between Ben and Ika (Ikka? Eka? No idea), a guy from Singapore and a half-Japanese, half-Chinese girl from Tokyo. They discussed their academic futures, and international airfare in English in a Spanish class. That made me smile.

English was as satisfying as it has been. The only thing worth noting is that the teacher graded a paper I had that wasn't mine. I went to visit somebody a month or so ago, and he gave me a sheet of paper with a guest passcode to his school's Internet. It was printed on the back of an old paper he had written, which was now stuck in the back of my file folder, which is only semi-opaque, so when I walked in and the professor spotted a paragraph through the milky white plastic, he asked to grade it. He wasn't especially satisfied. Earlier tonight I reported that to the author. He wasn't especially bothered.

Then I headed home and wasted my life for a few hours until it was time for Karate (oh, also I woke up without power this morning thanks to the meddling men on the power lines). On the way home, a guy on the phone said the following things:

"Hey, when Steve was free and used to sell knives, where was that at?"

"Because I have a hundred dollar knife I want to sell for forty dollars."
"Because I was in jail for a second."
"Because of Steve, that motherfucker!"

Anyway, I went back to school and did karate. We learned the basic kick today, which means I can now block, punch, kick and stand poorly. Excellent. I missed a bus home that was literally seven feet from me when it departed because I went and got a drink of water. I should locate a more convenient water fountain.

Anyway, so I came home to an empty house, and still nobody's around. No clue where they are. I've been wasting my life some more. I'm probably going to curl up in bed soon. I probably forgot to mention a bunch of stuff. Goodnight.

Live from the Mini-Gourmet, with cake!

The Mini-Gourmet is a local non-chain 24-hour restaurant that I absolutely love. I learned about it when a guy took me here on half-of-a-date (maybe the closest thing to just a regular date I've ever been on). It was a half-of-a-date because during the meal, a friend of his called from San Fransisco and wanted to get picked up. I declined to join on the trip, probably because I had homework or something. We then did not meet again (he was a nice guy, but I wasn't especially struck by him).

Anyway, anybody I've ever brought here has loved it. It's great for a group of friends or for just spending an evening doing homework (or thinking about doing homework, like now!) I have with me now some delicious confection in cake form, although I have no idea what it actually is. I heard the waiter describing to some women behind me some dessert that was recently added to the menu and was a huge seller. Whatever it is, it's fruity cheesecakey and delicious.

So today I slept an hour late and missed Spanish because of it. I'm sure I missed nothing vital. I'll do some work before heading to bed tonight, because it's pretty easy to assume what we did in class, and I can learn the basics of it myself. I also got the paper back graded for real from English. I got a B-, which is less good, but he also wrote that it was the highest grade in the class, so I guess that's alright. xD (he gave us all As on the assignment, and the grade on the paper was just an indication about how he feels about our writing right now).

I've been thinking about Andy. Not going to lie about that. I'm also not going to go into tremendous detail, because it's a lot of random fragmented half-formed notions that I could spew all night but it would really give you any more information than that I've been thinking about him. So yes.

My dad, who has had profound hearing loss that's just been getting worse as long as I've known him (that's birth) ) had a cochlear implant the other day. In a few weeks he gets the external portion, and then between three months and two years later, he'll reap the full benefit of it, whatever that may be. Hopefully it's all good. The surgery was fine, and he's doing well so far.

I'm sure there was something else I thought was worth sticking up here, but nothing's coming to mind, so I'll call it quits for now. Later.

School Two, Year One, Quarter Three, Week Two, Day One.

So that paper I probably talked about last night.

I tried a little to write it, and eventually did, finishing up around 3:00 AM. I wasn't even sure whether I had followed the correct assignment. I then realized I never really knew what the assignment was. The teacher's sorta like that.

Anyway, in class he did a quick-grade on it (I have also turned it in f'realz, and we'll see how that turns out) and he gave it an A-, so that's not too bad.

Also it turned out that I didn't have any Spanish homework. I had left class on Friday to buy a new pen because mine was dead, but when I returned everybody was gone. I figured I just missed the homework, but when I walked in a little late this morning, everybody was just going over what we had been working on when I left to buy the pen, which I had finished early.

Also I had karate. I started out poorly, and didn't do so great with the warm-up. I enjoyed class, though. We learned the basic block. Whee.

The real interesting part of the day, though, was meeting Andy. Andy is somebody I met on a dating site (which I originally joined for nothing to do with dating whatsoever, but I came to enjoy talking to people). We've been talking, and it just so happened that he was in town today (he lives a half-hour drive away) to visit a friend. Remarkably, this friend of his is somebody I met through an acquaintance at Cogswell. Sort of a weird circle. Anyway, after my first two classes I went home and invited them over and we all just hung out for a few hours and it was nice. I mean, that's interesting just because it was the most uncommon thing that happened to me today. Also, though, I'd really like to get to know this guy. I've seen some stuff he's produced (this is artwise, and he writes a webcomic), and thought highly of him from that, but I was warned not to judge him before actually meeting him (by Andy himself, incidentally). Now that I have, I think he's a neat guy, and I'd like to get to know him more. Could be something good, whatever that means. I don't have any real idea about what he thinks of me. I'll find out sooner or later, I guess.

Also, while I continually mention that Jessica is the only person who reads this, it does get views, and because it's only linked to in two places (and I can verify that I don't get traffic from Facebook), I'm assuming the other source is people from that dating site. That or random Internet creepers. That's fun. My best friend, dating site people and creepers. Good audience.

I guess I mention that just because this is the first time I've mentioned something so relevant to my personal life here. Will it become that sort of blog? No idea. I'm not planning anything. In fact, this is pretty much a freewrite at this point. I should probably go to sleep. Goodnight.

Actually, woah, woah, woah. I totally forgot about something this morning. Since beginning this semester, I've seen this one girl on the bus several times. We've sat next to each other every time we've ridden together, just by chance. I feel like I caught her looking at me several times. (so I guess I was looking at her?) She's pretty. I don't really do the whole girl thing, but I can appreciate a female aesthetically nonetheless. Today, we were both in the reserved-for-people-who-don't-walk-good section, so when regular seats opened, I sat in the window, and she asked if she could sit beside me. I had a mouthful of sandwich at this point, so I just waved her to sit down. At one point I was playing my DS, and she tried to make conversation about it. I misunderstood some of what she said though, and responded with what I now realize must have been a really confusing conversation killer for her. Maybe I'll talk to her when I see her again, which I'm sure I will. She seemed nice enough.

Anyway, so didn't want that detail to get lost. The Andy thing still took the cake, though. Goodnight for real, now.

Fun Fact: I prefer to log all of my AIM chats, and will often share logs with two select friends. I send so many files that I've begun naming them things that conjure really questionable possibilities to mind. I do this to make life more interesting for anybody who might be casually browsing through their files. A lot of files end with "NSFW."

Grawrawrawr. Hmph.

I dunno. I'm not with it today. I have a paper to write and dinner to to go to and all I want to do is station myself in front of the keyboard. We'll see what happens.

Last night, Jessica, Sam and I were all just hanging out. Courtney is in LA until Tuesday (these are all my roommates). I went over to Jessica and Sam's room and we decided that, because Courtney is gone (and is the only one with an actual room to herself) we should all go hang out in there. We watched 9 and The Princess and the Frog. I really liked 9 a lot. I was pleased with that The Princess and the Frog was 2D. Good for Disney for doing that (I'm sure the process for making a 2D movie was nothing like what it used to be).

Today, like I said, I have this paper to write. Should have been working on it all of yesterday. I've just forgotten how much shorter my weekend is now. It used to be 5 PM on Thursday until 2:50 PM Monday. Now it's 1:30 PM Friday until 10:20 AM Monday. It's not like I don't have plenty of time in my schedule, though. I just have to get better at starting early and dividing work between days. I just have to get better at a lot of things, at that. I guess everybody does.

Not a whole lot to report beside that (by this I mean there's not a whole lot else that I would put on here. There's always plenty to report on). I'll catch you later.

Bollocks

-_-

I guess Saturday mornings aren't for cartoons no more.

Good morning!

So last night I was booting up GSDD again, and the music made me nostalgic and happy, so I laid the thing down on my chest (I operate largely lying on my bed with my laptop on my knees), and was typing about that to Facebook. When I picked the system up again, I watched my only save file being erased. Apparently my shirt buttons know how to work the touch screen. I was less upset than I was amazed that that sort of thing could happen. I began a new game and got -nearly- to where I had been before, and in about a third of the time, so not all is lost. I had only been playing for a day, after all. Also, it's a very linear story, so it's not like I have to remake any big decisions. If it had been an Elder Scrolls game, I'd be more upset.

Anyway, that was last night. Today's been nicely lazy so far. I was in bed until there was a knocking, and a Jehovah's Witness and her child invited me to what sounded like Christmas in April. A celebration of Christ dying for our sins? Something like that. I took the pamphlet and they were on their way.

I'm actually really okay with them doing that. I grew up a Unitarian Universalist, which is not a religion so much as a community of people who are all looking for what's right for them. Basically I grew up accepting people. Now, what I don't like is people shoving their religion down my throat. The few times I've had people with religious motives at my door, though, I've always been very pleased with the exchange. It has never been, "hey there, if you don't find Jesus quickly you'll burn forever so join up, buddy!" Every time (I can think of three instances), the men or women have simply said, "this is who I am, this is what I'm a part of, and we invite you to join us. Here's information." It's not a demand, or even a coercion. It's an offer, brought to me and literally left at the door. The next step is all mine. I don't ever take it, but I like that they paint it as an option and not as a requirement.

So, if anything, that made me smile. I then sat at the piano and played around with that new song (it's called "Flown Away"), and then went back to Facebook. Now, lately I've had this goal of talking to people who I sort of know, in an effort to improve my conversational and general social skills. I've been talking to a few people I met in classes and exchanged Facebooks with, but never really interacted with. This morning, I decided I'd send a hello to Sarena, who I was in school with from elementary until graduation. We went to the same daycare, and she was one of my best friends in, say, fourth through sixth grade. We drifted way apart in middle school (although we still talked) and interaction really reduced in high school. She was always a sweet, beautiful, intelligent girl, and I always looked fondly to her, but things happen.

So today I sent her a message with Facebook IM, and what came out was just a nice little chat where we caught up. She's doing wonderfully. She's the president of her sorority, and is going to Turkey this summer for a program themed "Where East meets West." ("West meets East?" One of those). It sounds like she's really doing a lot of good things, and I'm happy for her. I'm also happy I was able to have a conversation with her. My secret mission is going according to plan.

That was nice, and now I'm still in bed, considering what to do next. I'm sure to be playing GSDD a bunch, and I want to work on a paper. I also want to eat at some point, I guess. I'll go figure it out now.

Fun fact: in daycare, Sarena and I made a tattoo business. I made a lot of designs, and she would execute them with Crayola markers, I believe. At the end we had even made a sort of currency for it. We were hot shit. I still have the pages of designs at home.

PS: saying that reminded me that last night I had a dream that I got a tattoo on my hand. Huh.

And that's week one.

So I finished my first week of classes. I think things went pretty well, all considered, and I'm looking forward to the quarter.

Spanish I'm really going to enjoy. The last two quarters I was being taught by an entirely pleasant woman, but not the best match for me. If I was a better student, she'd be great - she expects a lot of out-of-class, self-propelled work. This new teacher is going over everything in class, and assigns more regular and definite homework than "read over the next lesson, learn it by next class." He assigns actual exercises. Also, he actually goes over each new vocabulary word with us, which will help a lot with pronunciation. With Señora Valencia, we were sort of left to our own devices. Fun Fact: The new teacher is Señor Gracia. Like half of gracias. Like a single thank. Mr. Thank.

English is really going to be something. I feel like the teacher, Mr. John Milton, is a demigod, with a nigh-eternal reserve of knowledge and content. I thought he was awesome at first, and then I was tired of him, and then a little frightened, but at this point I'm certain he's on our side, and just has a lot to impart. I'm making it my goal to try to match what he gets us. If I can manage that even a little, I'm sure I'll get a lot from the class.

Karate I've already been through. I can reconfirm, though, that I'm wicked excited about it.

So I've been in a badish mood the last couple of days. That'll happen at times. Last night, though, I went to Safeway to get some dinner, and on the way put on some Janelle Monáe. Now, Janelle is somebody I was only introduced to fairly recently, and I'm fucking in love with her. I swear I've had The Archandroid (the album of hers that I have) running through my head for a week solid, and every time I hear it, I just want to dance. On the way to Safeway, I did. :D Since then I've been pretty chipper, which is nice.

It helps that I started playing Golden Sun: Dark Dawn. I played the first two games ages ago, and loved them, and the recent addition to the series has exceeded my expectations. Golden Sun I and II were, I feel, pretty innovative for the GBA, or handheld gaming at the time in general. There was a nice big world (GSII especially) to explore, lots of interesting characters, in-town/in-dungeon exploration and puzzle solving, and an amazing battle system that did everything it could to be 3D. It did pretty well too. Now, then, that the series is on a system that -can- handle 3D, it's amazing. The spirit of the game is every bit the same - the character and enemy designs are the same, the sounds are the same, the items are the same, the attacks are the same - they're just all better. Everything sounds better and looks better. Everything is actually in 3D. The summons got a huge upgrade (compare the GSII summon "Zagan" with the matching GSDD summon). All in all, I'm just thrilled to be back in that world (having played the first two games, the story is very satisfying so far), and happy to see the series get the upgrades it deserves. (I can't help but wish, though, that it could be a 3DS game. I have this awesome new system, but none of the release titles appealed to me, so the astonishing new feature is the only part I can't really enjoy yet. Oh well. Minus the 3D, it's still like...a super-powered DS, which is fine for now.)

So I've been playing that a bunch the last day. It'll probably take up a bit of my weekend too, along with an assignment for English. My real goal for this weekend, though (beside maybe cleaning Merrillspace) is writing a poem I started. I don't write poems super frequently, but I'd like to do it more than I have been. When I do, I like to share at The Canvas, which is an open-mic show for any sort of performance hosted at The Sunnyvale Art Gallery, which is basically art-shit central. It's a combination art gallery, art shop, art class center, florist and cafe. It's great. So I like to go perform there when I have something to share (which isn't often, hence wanting to write more). This poem I'm working on is called "Flower who Dared." It's about a daring flower, of all things. Hopefully I can do that in the next two days.

For fun, here's the last poem I wrote (and performed at The Canvas). It's called "Disease:"

Don't touch me

Don't even come close

God, the thought of your hands

Probing, invading

Back off

It's my space

I don't want your disgrace on me

Though, to be honest

I'm worried you'll see mine

We've all got 'em

Care to share?

Here's my disease

What's yours?

No, you won't tell me

Because nobody shares

Because nobody cares

To discover what's there

Lying hidden

Below our public skin

So you play it safe

And call yourself a stranger

To others

So strangers to you

Won't hit the jackpot

With a first furtive glace

Isn't that it?

The way that things

Are always going

When others are showing

We spend out time knowing

And don't bother growing

No, we judge

Assume

Condemn

And all in an effort to

Get into Heaven ourselves

Too bad we sell our souls

To do it

Walking around

It isn't easy, y'know?

Not at all

Walking around

without ease

Without...no, with

With dis-ease

Walking around

Diseased

And we all are, aren't we?

Here's my disease

What's yours?

Degeration?

Cancer? Love?

Indifference? Concern,

Some mix thereof?

No, you won't tell me

Because as soon as I think I know

I'll assume

Or so you assume

That's my assumption, anyway

Maybe I'm wrong

Maybe you're wrong

It's not like we know

We haven't even met

But maybe we could

Maybe we could shed

Our public skins

Chat a while

Share some stories

Share some worries

Share at all

How novel

We could share

Except for one little thing

One thing I refuse to let happen:

Don't touch me

So that's that. We'll see how this thing about the flower works out. I'm also working on a new song (I play piano, did you know? Of course you did. Only Jessica reads this, if anybody), which I'm excited about. I'm not rushing that, though. I can't really. It was a year between finishing my second-to-last song and beginning my last one, and it took six months to finish the most recent, so...yeah. That's just something else I've got going on that makes me happy.

That's about all I've got for now. I think I'll start thinking about dinner, or something. Later.

Oh, PS: So it looks like this blog has had some views? I'm pretty sure the only person who really knows about this is you, Jessica, if you're even keeping up with it. It also looks like it was linked from some webpage on online education? wtf. I dunno. I'll take it. Hey there, random Internet-goers. Hope you've enjoyed your visit.

So we're going daily now?

Actually...yes.

See, when this blog started, it was an assignment. Also, I had a boyfriend at the time. Those in conjunction reduced my willingness to post. Allow me to explain: Assignments are required, and so less fun, and not something I'm motivated to do. That part's easy. The boyfriend part is just that I tend to ramble on and on. It's really quite something. Being in a relationship, I had a regular outlet for that in talking with Michael. I also had some other friends I could ramble to. Now, I still have friends (and still talk to Michael), but I've been feeling like my relationships lately have largely been me rambling to people, with little or no return content, or even input.

[BASICALLY I'M A LONELY MOTHERFUCKER AND THIS IS A WAY TO BE ME WITHOUT MAKING MYSELF SEEM LIKE A MORON]

Something like that.

Anyway, that means that now it seems like I can update here pretty regularly, just blathering on about my day and what goes into it. Now then, let's get to it!

This morning I had a weird-ass dream. It all happened in like an hour, which I happen to know because I woke up around six thirty lay in bed for a bit, and then woke up again at eight. There was some detail before I'll jump in, but I don't really recall it. I just know that I was in, I think, my great aunt and uncle's house, and the floor was at once hardwood and water. There was something dangerous swimming around in it. Everybody had to go, so I was alone there. After a time I knew I could leave whenever I wanted, finding my way home by bus, but I chose not to. I think a part of this had to do with the fact that there was also a child there (who was the younger version of somebody I know now. That was weird) who I didn't want to leave alone until his parents came.

So me and this kid went outside, and there was a street show going on. We sat and watched for a bit, I was holding him on my lap. It was sort of an open mic deal, where audience members or people on the street would just walk up and do something. After a little while, -situation shift- people began arriving for the wedding reception. My childhood best friend and his parents and sister showed up. I said hi to him and talked to him a little, and then a little later went and talked to his sister. Then I woke up, and everybody was gone. I realized that I -had- talked to my old friend, but I had only dreamt talking to his sister. I figured everybody had gone to the reception hall, so I made my way there. On the way, I found the ruins of an old stone church. I tried taking pictures of it with my phone, but the hardware was screwed up, so no go there.

Now, things get a bit fuzzy, but I'm -fairly- sure I then went to the kitchen in the reception hall. I believe I encountered my sister there (the wedding would have been for her, as she was married recently), and we ate some fruit and I told her about how I had dreamt about having a conversation, and how seamless it had felt. I feel like I then looked outside, and where it had once been dark, it was now daytime, and so I began to suspect that I was indeed still asleep. I then thought, "hey, lucid dreaming. Let's do it." I decided the first thing to try would be flying. I managed to get off the floor a little, and the float around some. For some reason, I didn't want to try too much more.

Then, I woke up again. I was still at my great aunt and uncle's place. So now I'm finally awake, and I go to where the reception is. I go through the kitchen and outside, where I encounter a friend (somebody from life who I've known for a long time, but haven't ever been especially close to). I told her all about the lucid dreaming and about how I was tired to being asleep. I had been asleep a long time, at this point, and was tired just from that. She sat behind me and held me while I talked and relaxed (wouldn't happen in real life).

Around when I decided to go get involved with talking to people (who were all around a campfire which had long-since gone out), I woke up again in the middle of my twelfth grade English class (which was populated with strangers). Apparently myself and somebody else had both fallen asleep in class, but everybody decided to leave it, because we were both talking in our sleep and narrating a really interesting story. We were discussing this when I finally really woke up in bed.

Christopher Nolan would be proud.

Anyway, so I did a little work in the morning, but mostly was being mopey for no good reason. Then I went to school and to class x2, and was mopey until the end of English when, because of the events of the class, in conjunction with another secreter reason, I felt better. I had lunch, and then realized that I had a full day until I really had to do anything more. I debated going on an adventure, but instead just headed to Cogswell to hang out. In the school parking lot I found a dirty, scratched up but in-tact CD labeled "Wild Nyte." I don't know what's on it. I want to clean it up and see if I can play it. In other news, there's an abandoned restaurant behind Cogswell. I made it a goal my first year there to try to get inside of it after four years. Today, I found an open window, but it was stuck ajar at too-little width for me to reach in and open it any further. After several minutes of trying to figure it out, I gave up on it and headed inside.

So now I'm at Cogswell with no real plans, tired of being here but not wanting to move, and life is boring right now. (for proof, consult the massive wall of text I just assaulted a possible eventual audience of one with). I guess this is the close for that. Buh-bye.

(Fun fact: I remember that in first grade, I thought that if you were a scientist, it meant you were either a botanist or an astronaut. Not that I knew the word "botanist" at the time.)