I did it.

I took my annual picture-that-happens-to-include-a-single-tree. As per tradition, it is now my banner.

Brilliantly.

"How are you?"

I hate that question. At some point I realized...it's not as though I'm important enough that my state of being will have any impact on anything. Or maybe external import isn't the issue. Maybe state of being really is meaningful for some people, and indicates significant shifts in their world. Not me, though. I am so moved so often that changes in location hardly make a difference. Transience, baby. I carry with me every "how" I've ever been. I've spent my life watching the interplay of experience, and spent my life imprinting myself with it.

Everything is, and I am.

I am. I am an amalgam of the whole, of every felt or witnessed, suspected and known, feared or loved, and shunned and embraced that the wind has ever carried by. So it hardly matters which I am right now, because I'm brimming with all the rest. I've known every - or will have soon enough, and haven't forgotten a single one. My now is just a snapshot of the brilliant whole.

So how am I?

Brilliantly.



--------

[One day I'll make this a poem]

Letters to Myself

Every so often, while I muse, I come up with some idea I think is perfect and beautiful, and which I'm bound to forget. To preserve it, I text myself an email with some key reminder phrase. Sometimes I look them over, and remember a lot of things I had forgotten. I did that tonight, and I will share the full list here, old to new. Some of them I remember, and some of them will just have to lead me somewhere new without any clue as to their origin.

For the curious: where applicable, the date links to a blog post made that day.

3.19.11 - I wish I could make you laugh like him.
5.10.11 - Cities have sewers.
6.15.11 - They were loading up what looked like a green gym locker.
7.24.11 - How much is a year?
8.1.11 - Let's get human.
8.3.11 - We so desperately need illusion.
8.19.11 - I made it bittersweet in order to appreciate what I have for only a little while more.
9.30.11 - How do you get lost in a moment in time?
12.22.11 - On the night when...
1.6.12 - As we exited the diner...
2.20.12 - Seasons and the black-haired Shawn.
3.1.12 - It isn't love or... or peace, but rather what will lend itself to these.
4.15.12 - Asking so loudly there was no way to hear a reply.
4.19.12 - I had bolder confusions then.
4.24.12 - But I looked out the window, and it felt as though a hitherto unnoticeable cast of grime just melted away.
5.16.12 - I failed this gameshow.
5.17.12 - Maybe it's because on our coldest, or most vulnerable days, we need the speed of distance from others.
5.19.12 - Every piece of the food was touched.
5.21.12 - A pithy, specific antithesis.
5.25.12 - Ink and Eyes.
5.27.12 - I took some reprise within the shell, but the automaton automatoned, and you see before you.
6.4.12 - There is a broad circle of things that make sense only because we don't question them. War. Religion. Acceptance.
6.6.12 - You remain dutiful. We remain beautiful.
9.1.12 - Alone in the dark with the rainfall and a box of keys.
9.6.12 - All I do is immense (the verb)

Three-person bike bike store store store store

Tonight I lay below the open sky on a blanket with some of my closest friends, talking and laughing and watching shooting stars fly past in awe.

<3 p="p">

The Author's dead

Wow, so hi.

I'm in Maryland - have been for a month. It's great spending time with Kyle, because he's awesome. We'll be here until the close of August. In the meantime, we had the traditional camping trip, which proved great (and included the awesome erecting of a tarp - there was shimmying). As well, I went to a God's meet for Lusternia in D.C., where I ended up winning 1,000 credits because I dressed up and did this. That was nice. Currently, Kyle and I have the house to ourselves, during which time we're largely naked. Also, I hope to finally have a license by the close of the summer.

In other news....I dunno, man. There's never any news, or it's all so much idle chatter it's hardly worth putting out there.

Last night I had a few dreams I could remember. They got me thinking about some things I used to really value thinking about - and still do. I'm glad I got the refresher. Honestly I think so much time with Kyle is impacting my regular lines of thought and behavior. I suppose that's to be expected.

-whistles idly-

So life has been nice. I'm finally doing English justice, but slipping in Spanish. Whatever; I'll live.

So I've been playing a ton of Lusternia, and some nice things have happened. I won ownership of a neat inn, with which I've been having a ball and for which I have big, hopeful plans. We'll see how things go.

I've begun going to Specialty's each morning around 6:30 (after sleeping at 2 PM and waking up at midnightish), and having a large white chocolate mocha.

In a couple weeks, Kyle and I both will bus across the country to dear ol' Maryland, where we'll be for some part or all of the summer. It'll be nice.


So that's my long-overdue update. Hope things are well.

And some things.

I might just be infinite.
I might just be crazy.
Either way, the Universe is brilliant.

So classes have been chugging along and I'm consistently being just good enough to be considered better-than-average, or so I assume. Hopefully I don't sleep through class more than the once. I'm rediscovering writing, and enjoying it immensely. I'm also rediscovering some other things that were once very dear to me, but which I suspect will need to simmer for a while if they're going to regain any influence in my life more substantial than spiriting my fancies away for some moments every few days.

Because let's face it: everything spirits my fancies away all the time.

The other thing to report is that I've bought the first half of Kyle's trip to Maryland. I've bought all of it, actually. So far he's destined to be stranded there, but I'll settle the other half of that before long. It remains to be seen whether I'll make it to Star. I think I could definitely go; I have to check with some people to see whether it's a recommended idea. I think I'd love going. I know I'd love going.

I should stop procrastinating on the tiny amount of work I have to do. Goodnight.

Fun fact: I used to sort of know how to draw a little. Maybe I still do.

One, Two, Skip a Few...

I'm glad painting still exists.

Painting and acrobats and rocking chairs.

I'm glad they exist because...fuck it, man. The future is coming at us, fast.

Really, though. When I came around the Internet barely existed, and not nearly in the public eye. Today, though, I can fit an immersing world that displays in three dimensions on a little device in my pocket (which also plays music and takes pictures and goes online and all sorts of neat things). One my-age-now from before-I-existed ago, color television was pretty fly. A span of now-since-then before that point in time, radio was awesome. We're going quickly. Today I heard about a pair of glasses Google is developing that just does run-of-the-mill Google things (everything) from your eyes. Also, a private company is working its ass off to get us to live on Mars. This shit is real. It's amazing, too. I'm thrilled that I get to live in modern comfort with all these grand and exciting developments. The world is amazing and it's only going to get better.

As cool as all our new stuff is, though, I'm a little distressed. There's certainly a lot of technical skill going into all our development, but I feel like we're losing out on the real art we can make. I'm not talking fine art. There's plenty of that, and it'll last for a long time. Actually, I am talking about fine art. People will always know how to paint, but since it's so digital these days, the ability to create a realistic image just isn't as impressive. Just as much work is put into making those images today, but a lot of the work of making the pigment and the canvas and the brushes and using it all without making mistakes...that's all been coded in and will henceforth be accessible forever - it is no longer a particular trade skill somebody needs to possess. I guess our ability to archive is the real culprit, then. We're little squirrels, storing up our acorns and going to them later. Only we never eat them. We just add more and more forever until we're living on Mars with Google-goggles. It's awesome - don't get me wrong. I just don't want to lose out on some of the simpler things.

Sunsets, for one. Have you ever seen those? They're beautiful. People dancing, too. Also, hand-made ice cream is delicious. All that still exists today, and will for a long time, but it's less commonly appreciated now. People are all caught up in their daily rush, with their smartphones telling them anything and...what else do you need? I'm subject to it for sure, but I'm not entirely consumed - not yet. I was alive early enough to know a world that's really beautiful in its non-electrodeath form. We're making big strides these days, and I'm glad I was in before I would have been unable to love simple things like enjoying nature. Basically just...as nice as things are getting, and as rough as things were before, they were also really splendid before, in an entirely different way.

Though I have to wonder...I consider myself on the cusp because so many incredible advancements have happened during my lifetime. The things I grew up with, though, must have been just as incredible to people 50 years ago, and their everyday was just as amazing to 50 years before them. Everybody must always feel like they're on the cutting edge of human advancement. That makes the future even scarier. I do think we're in a particular shifting phase, though, as electronics really march in and overtake the mechanical. I suspect there will be other paradigm changes like that, but I'm pretty sure this is one of them.

Anyway, was just thinking about that. I should probably do some homework.

Experimental music in a text-based world

So I'm through with finals. I feel pretty good about them [both] overall. Now I have to register and maybe get my life in order within the next week. Meanwhile, life is certainly going to involve a lot of Lusternia and maybe Skyrim and definitely Jackie Chan Adventures and hopefully Kyle if he gets better. Also random food, since that shit's awesome. I hope to go to Sushi Infinity again soon. <3

OHGODWHY

So I started playing Lusternia again.

I'm sorry. I know I've become an invalid human.

Whatever. So that's happening, and it's been taking up a ton of my time. I hope I'm not ignoring Kyle tooooo much. I'm certainly ignoring studying for my optional final in ten hours. I should get on that...and maybe sleep? We'll see.

I also have a final tomorrow and some work I'll have to do before then. Wish me luck. I should pass every(two)thing.

Other than that, Kyle is great, D&D is nerdy and fun, and I'm an awful diabetic but a mighty bastion of whimsy. C4p®1C3-4LyF

Oh, fun fact: I've befriended a girl from my math class. I invited her to play Betrayal at Denny's, and to kill some time beforehand we went to The Sunnyvale Art Gallery, which I've mentioned here before. I hadn't been in ages, but by chance open mic night was on, and we walked into a beat boxing workshop. That was kind of ridiculous and awesome.

So anyway, this math...catch you later.

Out and About, For Once

So sometimes I do actually do things. This morning (as an extension from having been awake all night) I walked to Burger King to get myself some food, which is awesome*. I decided also to take some pictures for a card for my sister, whose birthday it is today. I ended up with a difficult-to-discern "HAPPY BIRTH" picture.

So that's fun. My favorite of those are the B and I, which were taken from inside an abandoned restaurant I used to spend a lot of time on top of. It's recently been being gutted, so I've finally been able to get inside. It's neat. :)

I then slept all day, and a little after waking up, I was invited by Andy to go to Santa Cruz with him and Adam and their friend Ian. They picked me up and we went to this cozy, neat bar where I bought my first drink, woo. It was a tasty raspberry lemon cocktail. Good times. We then went to a club and danced for a while, and while there I met another friend of Andy's. It was good times.

I thought a lot about Andy and life and people and relationships and things. I wasn't really moved by any of it - it was just an overview of facts from my life. I do that a lot.

So anyway, now I'm here in bed not being asleep and just lounging. I hope I manage to sleep and get to class later. In the meantime, I'll chat to people and play Pokémon. Good times.

* I just alerted you to the fact that food is awesome.

Caelophile

So I spent that week with Kyle, and he is just the best person.

I love him dearly.

That's all. :)

Seasons are for me

Well, the boy's parents are out of town, which means I'm able to stay in his house. I've been here several nights, and will be here several more.

We both have evening classes, which means going out to dinner is difficult, which means a Valentine's date was tough. We had planned one for Friday but were both sick, so no go. Today I hadn't realized there was no school, so after I was already there, we hatched a plot to date night tonight.

So we went to an all-you-can-eat sushi place which I fell madly in love with. Sooooooo much sushi. It was amazing.

We then (after a stop into a pet store to watch some knobby black upside-down fish) went to see The Secret World of Arrietty, which was just phenomenal. I'm so happy Miyazaki can still turn out shit like that. I thought Ponyo was cute, but it was a little concerning relative to his other works. This was gorgeous and wonderful, though.

Now we're lying here in bed nerding out on our laptops and....he is a lovely person. <3

"The banana was dominant? How could you tell?"

Hello, friends!

That title was derived from a movie I took from my cell phone once. I'd share it here, but when I took the video I was granted permission by all parties involved, but with one setting the condition I not put it on the Internet.

Not that I care at this point. That was years ago and he'll never see this (does anybody see this blog?). The trouble is, when I try to get movies from my phone recently, no audio comes over, so the magic would be lost. It might still be funny to post without audio.

So anyway, I've been sick, which sucks. I have plans to go to an all-you-can-eat sushi place and then to The Watergarden on Friday, but I've been sick. I still want to do sushi, but sex mischief might be out of the question.

I had my first (of two. Who gives only two tests a quarter? And no quizzes? And homework collected only during the tests?) test in Spanish yesterday. I was more concerned than I needed to be, but I don't think I did amazingly. Middle-ish A at best, but middle-ish B at worst, I figure. I have my second test in Algebra on Tuesday. I expect to do splendidly there. Weird.

I'm really, really, reaaaally close to finishing "Flown Away," a song I've been working on for what is quickly approaching a year now. I still can't help but feel like I'm rushing it a little bit, but I'm not calling it quits just yet. I've already started playing around with what will be my next song, though.

That reminds me, I need to get to work on that poem. Whups.

Anyway, so those are some words.

Fun fact: Taylor and I have known each other one-sixth of my life. We agree this is neat.

Poemless.

I've been slowly convincing myself to write a poem. Well, I've already convinced myself I should. At this point I just need to sit down and do it. I have several ideas whirling around, and I should find the motivation to sift through and channel them into something meaningful. Maybe that will even happen sometime. Maybe.

I don't know why I felt motivated to share that here. It's not like I was sitting here on the "new post" screen itching for ideas. No, I was browsing the Internet and decided to come write about it specifically. Maybe it's an subconscious effort to make it happen faster. Dunno.

And further...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJzUglzRqDI

Oh wait...

This should really just be an edit, but I'm making up for lost stamps*.

So I went to FurCon last weekend, which included a trip to Brix, one of San Jose's downtown gay clubs. It was too crowded with furries and confused patrons. It was a good night.

Since then I learned about and have spent time in a gay bar down a long road from school, Tinker's Damn. I like it there, mostly for one bartender, Alex (pronounced "Alec," for some reason) who bought me my first drink. Rum and diet Coke. I enjoyed it. I didn't finish.

A 21-year-old homosexual going to a gay bar, and a club once. Shocking.

*("postage")

Holy shit

Hello. I didn't see you there.

Are you hungry?

Alive?

...

If brainchildren are anything like regular children, I shouldn't reproduce.

Anyway, so I think somewhere in November was my last post? Shit's gone down since then. Most notably and recently, I have entered into the holy mother-fuckin' sanctified bonds of boyfriendity with the everloving Kyle David Smith, or as we like to call him around here: "you."

That's what I call him most of the time, anyway.

But yes. We finally tied the knot in our really pretty open relationship, which basically only means we say "I love you" a lot more.

It's pretty great. <3

Aaaand....short of that, there isn't a ton to share.

Oh, maybe I never made it clear to this audience (of would-be now-dead children?) that Kyle and I have a thing. Well to make it short, imagine this: I met somebody and got close enough to them to want to be boyfriends. Crazy.

I think the only item in my - Really? Last post was in November? That can't be right. Is it? Oh well - life that has changed since my last post is that I play League of Legends now, and Skyrim, if I never mentioned that before.

I learned I can't go to Star this year without skipping out on finals week.

I want to bring Kyle to the big M-D this summer. I think it'll happen.

I've been up 13 hours after being asleep 12 hours after being up 12 hours after sleeping...I dunno. My sleep's fucked up. Good thing it's only nightish classes this quarter.

So there you go.

PS: Based upon an unworthy sample size's worth of sample (two), international Russians do not make for good kissers.